OK, today I am pondering my future in this hobby of ours. You see, over the weekend I have had discussions with my DH about scrapbooking. He is not supportive. Not supportive at all. Barely tolerates it. Can't believe that I spend my time on a hobby that just simply does not pay. Wants me to focus what little time I now have on something that is going to earn our family an income. And it's causing some pretty major stress in our relationship at the moment. Well, has been for some time.
And, while I can see his point, my predicament is that I love this outlet I have discovered for my creative side. I was always creative as a young person. However, I gradually discarded it all as I studied my way through University and climbed the corporate ladder. First the piano playing went. Then the dancing (did you know, I used to teach classical ballet and tap dancing?). Then the painting and drawing.
I don't want to completely give up my creative side! Not now that I've just started expressing it again.
But like all creative pursuits, scrapbooking takes time. Already, I have cut back. I don't scrap on weekends. I only scrap a couple of nights during the week. (The other nights I have been catching up on peoples' blogs - but he is even on to that now!) I only scrap during the day when he's not here. But, I'm starting to feel like I have to hide what I do. Like it's some guilty secret. Since turning my scrap room into a nursery, I have to continually tidy up after I've done any work. Which, you'll know, totally stifles your ability to create. Especially when you can only grab half an hour at a time.
I dunno. Maybe this is just a struggle we have to go through as we make the transition to a single family income. Maybe his concerns will abate as we learn to adjust. I already ensure that my scrapping doesn't cost our family budget. Any scrap purchases have to come from publication income. But, you'll all know that it's really impossible to make a wage from this kind of work. At best you cover your expenses (and here, I'm talking about more than supplies - I'm also talking the lighting, heating, petrol, etc. You know, the way you have to think when you're running a business). And maybe make a few hundred dollars a year.
Even when I was teaching - the pay was so low. And people would sign up for the class and then not bother to turn up. So, you'd prepare for a class thinking you were going to make x dollars, and once you'd realised that 3 or 4 of the registrants weren't going to attend, you'd just have to count your losses. When you factored in the time you spent creating the class project, writing the class notes, travelling too and from the venue to pick materials, preparing class kits, setting up the teaching area and cleaning up after, on top of actually teaching. It was a slave's wage. So going back to teaching isn't the answer either.
So, today, I'm confused. And unhappy. And wondering if others have had this problem. And what you've done about it. Please drop me a line and let me know. I'm really interested in your experiences.
Kathie
14 comments:
Sorry Kathie but your DH needs to stop being selfish and think about your needs. You didn't start scrapbooking to earn money, it was never about that, it is about the creative process, the outlet and the sense of accomplishment! you need this craft more than ever now that you are a SAHM!! You need it for your sanity, you need it to feel like you are still contributing to the wider things. He needs to be supportive of you having a hobby that brings you happiness. I don't know your DH, so I don't have a clue what his hobbies or habits are but surely he has something and he has no right to try and take yours from you! In years to come you have left your family a wonderful legacy, a tangible connection to their past, it will be valued. If you are only spending the money you earn from contributors fees then I see no reason for him to be so unreasonable. It sounds like you are making sacrifices at every turn, not scrapping weekends and limiting it to once or twice a week and trying to do it during the day when he isn't around. Sorry this is really making me annoyed at how unfair it is to you. Off my soapbox now!
I don't know the answers to this one. I think what your dh is struggling with is not that you have a hobby but that he is no longer the centre of your attention.
To put you and your husbands thought patterns into perspective try getting a hold of a book called "Sex and Intimacy After Childbirth" by Dr Martien Snellen. It helped me alot after the birth of my second child. Yes, it does talk about sex and intimacy but it is more than that. It puts into perspective all the feeling you feel as a woman.As well as all the feelings your hubby might be feeling.
I hope that isn't too forward for my first visit. Good luck.
If you can't get a hold of the book let me know, I will send you my copy.
Hi Kathie, ugh it can be difficult some times hey! I stopped teaching for very similar reasons. When I was first asked to teach they asked me what I wanted and I told them a minimum of 4 in a class. But it ended up being 1 or 2 each time. I got $15 for each person in the class, so when you work out the time, running around etc and organising babysitters for the 3 hours it took to travel, teach, set up, pack up etc it was just not worth it. My DH kept saying "I don't know why you are doing it" and sometimes when I came home from a class I felt like it was easier to just tell him I had 4. But when I said that I enjoyed it, and enjoyed just getting out of the house etc he was fine. He has his fishing, and me my scrapping so we can compromise that way. I only scrap what I want, and if it happens to match a submission theme I'll submit, but it really isn't for the money.
Now that you have Jamie, it is going to be really important to scrap. You'll want to preserve all his memories etc, and you'll also just want time out. It's so demanding being ON-CALL for babies and children all day, so I find it so relaxing to lock myself in the study at night (usually after DH is asleep) and play.
Hope you sort it all out... maybe you DH is just having a hormonal patch LOL :)
Katie
PS. Please don't stop, cos I love your work too much!
Kathie, all the girls have some valid points.
I have a class tonight. (3 booked in but who knows how many will turn up). I don't think I've got any classes tomorrow so I'll have a free morning. I'll email you then.
Love, Marie
What they all said up there above me.
I think DH needs to understand that some things you just don't do for the money.
Its like me and my acting. Hopefully one day I'll be able to actually earn a decent living from it, but that's not my motivation for doing it - its because it fulfills me creatively and I love doing it.
And although I'm not an expert on scrapbooking, I think you are very very talented at it!
Don't give it up. And especially not because DH is pressuring you to do it - it'll only make you feel resentful later on down the line.
xox M
You know all hubbies try and stifle your interests and get you to do what they want. Stuff them all!
No seriously it's hard to be third in line for attention and love after baby and hobbies. I know Matt has the car and two bikes..
Hi kathie, l found your blog thru Marie N and can so relate to your post today. My husband thinks scrapping takes up to much of my time, our lounge room and money!!! Until today l thought l was the only one that had a husband that didnt approve of what l love to do.
So firstly thankyou, it really is nice to know that l am not the only one out there that has trouble on the home front when it comes to scrapping.
Secondly, as hard as it is, keep trying to explain to him why you do what you do but dont give in and stop. Being true to yourself is so important and you deserve an outlet.
" I just wish I could capture all these moments and keep them forever. Do you have these moments too? That are so precious, that you have to take a moment to make sure its imprinted firmly in your brain? That you're terrified that in five years time, you'll have no recollection of?"
You WILL forget in five years time. Less actually. THAT'S why scrapping's so important. Try and communicate - explain it to him. And if he doesn't understand, keep doing it anyway. And what everyone else said!
Don't try and sell it to him as a job. If you need a second income perhaps you should start looking elsewhere. But claim your scrapping time as well. You need it for you now, and you need it as a legacy later. Don't compromise.
And oh hell. i still owe you an email. lol.
Suz
Kathie, that really sucks to hear this. I agree that he is being a little selfish like Janine said, but then, there has been a hell of a lot for you guys to get accustomed to in the last few months, and I guess the frustration needs to surface somewhere. It sounds like it isn't really about the scrapping either, but about his self-esteem a little and just his struggles with adapting to this new way of life for you guys - still a fairly new marriage, of course having a baby, and cutting back to one wage - its huge!!
Talk to each other and try to make special time for just the two of you. If he's getting the quality time he needs with you, he should start to understand the need you have for the scrapbooking outlet.
Take care, I'm an email and phonecall away.
Nat xx
Kathie this is your creative outlet.
This is your passion - you cant give it up.
Trust me when I tell you that you are so lucky to have found this passion before your little Angel was born because the things you are journalling [to keep for a lifetime] I have forgotten as they passed in a blur.
Your beloved will get better he is trying to adapt to having someone else stealing your attention, trying to adapt to not being able to hold your hand because you are pushing a pram and trying to adapt to you being so consumed by taking care of this new little person that you are too tired to sit upright.
Its not the scrapbooking or the time on the computer [you need that to feel connected] its all the other things and thats just what he chose to make it about.
You are so talented Kathie and you need that outlet.
So glad I found your blog - thank you for finding mine.
Rach
Kathie, don't you ever stop creating... Nick and I have had this debate many, many times. He absolutely hates my scrapbooking, and the fact that it takes up so much of my time. He's slowly getting over it, basically I scrap when Daniel is sleeping during the day or when Nick was at work. Then when he came home at night I'd finish and devote all my time to my family.
You've gone through an enormous change in your life, and it's going to take a long time for him to adjust to the fact that He's not the only person in your life that needs you at the moment, Nick felt a little neglected when Alex was first born, and I had horses at the time, he complained about those, so I sold them - something I deeply regret now.
Chin up, stay positive. And if you ever need to chat, don't hesitate to email me.
Hugs
Michelle
Hi Kathie, I agree with many of the comments that girls have made and I often have the same problem with my hubby from time to time. He does admit however that he was a little jealous that I had something in my life that I was so passionate about and got so much enjoyment from. I directed his attention to the 1964 car he has in our garage that he is suppose to be working on. So now he's got back into that and seems happy to stop nagging me about spending so much time scrapbooking! Goodluck with it all Kathie! And love your layout that was for FK!
Kathie,
I can so relate to this situation you find yourself in. Although my DH is supportive and lets me scrap (kind of turns a blind eye) I always get the "its not bringing any money in" spin on things. So from that perspective I can so relate.
What ever you do DO NOT give up scrapbooking. It defines who you are, and gives you that spark that keeps you going when times just get to much.
I cannot imagine life without this art form. I adore it. I will not give it up for any reason. When my little girl sees my work, she comments "its sooo beautiful mummy". That's all I need to totally fulfill me and fill me with immense pride. We all need these comments to put the jigsaw together as to what makes us who we are.
Kathie your work is beautiful. Talk to DH. Tell him how much of your personality goes into your work and how it is your one outlet that keeps you sane with kids and life.
Chin up.
Steph.
Bye the way, I am to linked to the Dance World. I was a choreographer for 10 years in Sydney. Love to know who you trained with. We have so much in common..... Keep in touch.
I just wanted to add something here - I began scrapping back in 2002 but I have had a break for the last year or so as I needed to concentrate on my home-based business and to be honest, got so caught up with what I was doing {mainly the $} that I neglected what truly brings me joy, and that is scrapbooking. Since I started scrapbooking again I have been so much more at peace with everything. Yes, I had to make sacrifices to my home business but money isn't everything and with 3 kids and a hubby I needed to find time for myself. So yes, I set aside dedicated scrapping time just for me. If hubby whinges, then that's his problem. Keep doing what you love! :o)
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