Word recognition

I noticed it the other night. I said something to Jamie about Jak, the dog, and as I said "Jak", I noticed Jamie turn to watch him. Like he made the connection between "Jak" and that white fluffy thing that licks him all the time. It was the first time I'd seen him show any glimmer of understanding that the gibberish that comes out of my mouth all day long actually has any meaning. (Well, sometimes it does. Although I notice that I have picked up a habit of talking in goos and gaas, which I hope I grow out of as Jamie does. Or it could be embarrassing.)

Anyway, today Jamie confirmed it for me. I was doing the usual "can you say Daddy, Jamie?", "can you say Mummy, Jamie?". All rhetorical questions of course, cuz all he can actually say is "bababa", "heh" and "googa", but it's fun to pretend. And when I got to the "can you say Jak, Jamie?", he gave me his huge grin and turned to look at the dog.

I guess it's only fitting, seeing as the dog is his one most favourite toy at the moment. By far.

On a totally different note, I see that Issue 43 of For Keeps has hit the newagents, which means that I might load up my pregnancy layouts that were in Issue 42. Can you stand another lot of pregnancy layouts though? I'll do one at a time over the next week. So, if you're tired of hearing about my fat belly, lol, you can stay away for the next week and not be subjected to it.

OK, here's the first one. A relatively simple one for me. I took a photo of the pregnancy-test stick and cut the image out, so I just had that strip. That then set the scene for the strips of paper and ribbon that make up the rest of the LO. The circle of coloured brads marks the spot!

My lifeplan had always assumed babies somewhere. Children's laughter; the smell and feel of a newborn baby; children's parties; the Easter Bunny; family times. Then, in my early thirties I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries. I didn't ovulate. I was told that if I wanted children I should not leave it too late - not past 35 if possible - as I may have difficulties conceiving. But events were not to allow for that timeframe. By the time that Phil and I met, I was already thinking that it may be too late. I tried to tell myself that I was destined to be childless and that was OK. My life was full. There was more to life than having children. I tried not to imagine life as a mother as that made the reality easier to live with. But the truth was that I longed for children. Most people just assumed that I was an "independent career woman". That it was my choice. I didn't confide my longing to many people. But it was there. So, here I was, a few months shy of my fortieth birthday, sitting on the floor in our hotel room in Darwin, watching a little stick intently. I had wondered for a week now, if I might be pregnant. But Phil was interstate on business and I didn't want to find out without him. I wanted him there when I found out, whatever the outcome. I had put off doing a pregnancy test until I joined him in Darwin for the weekend. And as each day had passed, my hopes had increased. Until I just *had* to know. I was starting to imagine baby scenarios; starting to dream. As soon as I got off the plane in Darwin, Phil drove us to a chemist where we bought a test. And here I was. I could see the fluid drawing up the wick towards the little test site. Waiting.... Waiting... Please, please let me be pregnant. Slowly, ever so slowly, one faint purple line appeared. I found that I was holding my breath. Would there be two? And... there it was! A huge smile spread across my face. My eyes filled with tears. I hadn't dared hope until now. But there it was - the evidence I was seeking. I was pregnant.

(What the journaling doesn't say is that immediately after my elation, came all the doubts and fears, lol. Was I too old? Would I carry the baby to term? Would the baby be healthy? How would life change? Was I ready for my life to change? Would I make a good mother? etc etc etc. Funny how we work, isn't it?)

More tomorrow.
Kathie