I can tell he's tired. Tired by the goals that he sets himself. Tired from working long hours. Tired from renovation work. Tired from the stresses of a demanding job and the headaches of negotiating to sell a house. Tired from a mind that whirs with thoughts of what now needs to be done to the new house before his family can move in.
I can tell he's tired. We snap and snarl at each other. And there it is. Again.
"All you do is scrapbook!"
I fall back into silence. Stung. Because he has completely forgotten.
He has completely forgotten all the long hours I've put in completing the renovations. He has completely forgotten how I've been shifting furniture while the baby sleeps. He has completely forgotten the hours and hours and hours of housework and tidying I've done in the last two weeks to keep our house pristine. He has completely forgotten that we've had a sick baby who wakes during the night, crying for his mummy. That we've had a sick baby who, when he's awake, just wants to curl up in his mummy's lap. He has completely forgotten that I've spent countless hours sitting in a childcare centre while our son gets used to the new home that will be his for two days a week. He has completely forgotten that last week I returned to my old job two days a week.
This, the regular old argument when we are both tired and stressed. The argument that I have a hobby. Because, a hobby is not permitted in our hectic lifestyle. This quaint, somewhat silly hobby does not fit in with our lifestyle. It does not make sense to him, when his goals are of striving for accomplishment. With his view that one should be busy and productive for sixteen hours a day, seven days a week.
And then I remember that he does all this, that he works so damn hard, and pushes himself so incredibly, for us. For Jamie and me. So that we can not go without. So that we can afford to send Jamie to a good school.
And so, with a sigh, I accept his accusation for what it was. Tiredness. Possibly envy, that I get to sit still and relax, doing something that brings me joy. And I tell myself that it doesn't matter if he doesn't appreciate what I do. I tell myself to let it go. I tell myself that in years to come, when he has forgotten what his son used to look like as a tiny baby, when he has forgotten the funny things his son did as a toddler, he will catch sight of my waste-of-time albums and he will remember. And he will appreciate.
16 comments:
Tough one. Good for you for taking it on the chin, especially after your past couple of weeks!!
Just proves how much you *need* this hobby. Maybe hubby should try it ;)
Oh my goodness Kathie, you have just written my exact argument with my husband. literally word for word. I'm sitting here with tears down my cheecks because i can honestly understand what you are thinking. thankyou for being brave enough to write it for the world to read. it is so refreshing to know that it's not just me, that has the 'anti-scrapper' husband!!
Hope you have a brilliant day.
through my tears kathie i wanna reach out and give you a reassuring hug because after my darling man working for almost 80 hours a week for the past 6 months, these accusations levelled at you have been levelled at me too.
i get to do all the "easy" stuff while he gets to "keep food on the table"
and like you, my "easy stuff" includes sick kids, juggling bank accounts to pay bills, dealing with teenage cr*p and attitude, etc, etc, etc.
one day he will look at your albums and thank you kathie.
until that day....hang in there sweetie
xxoo
Oh big hugs sweetie. I know how tough it is for ya at the moment. DH forgets that real estate is his hobby, even if it is something that 'accomplishes'. We all need time to enjoy and relax. So does your hubby.
You are a wonderful wife, Mum and woman.
Oh my... I wonder how many other partners have read that script. It's almost word-for-word what my DH says when he's tired, stressed and fed up. This really brought tears to my eyes because I have been there. Every month or so, a big explosion. To which I never respond because there's no point. It only adds fuel to the fire. But later, he backs down and sometimes even apologises. He really does love looking at the layouts and re-living the precious moments I have recorded so lovingly. Really, truly. {hugs}
rainbow hugs...coming your way...express post!
Mardi x
putting my hand up to here
this is so close to what happens in our house its not funny
hugs and thanks for the comfort of knowing that it doesnt just happen at our place!!
Kathie,
I won't say what I want to as its not really for me to judge BUT I do want to say that I think what you write abour Jamie each month is amazing and written so beautifully that I would LOVE to have that information for my children (who are only 9)as soooo much happens at this age and it would all be forgotten if it wasn't in writing. It wouldn't matter what your hobby was he would have something to say about it.....
Wens
Kathie....you are remarkable for being so positive and understanding towards Phil's needs. You must truly have a wonderful partnership. Tiredness and generally feeling on edge with hectic lifestyles and small children wears us all down....the love you show for Phil and your ability to be fair to him after being shot down with one swift blow illustrates that the relationship you share is built on stronger stuff than most.
I guess when you both love each other so much, you can forgive these outbursts more easily.
Phil may not understand the hobby...but he knows you well enough to push the right buttons the first time!
I am so sorry you were on the receiving end of this....there are some things that most blokes just don't 'get'.
Megan xx
It's made me get teary too Kathie, I imagine you must feel hurt, even when you decide to let it go and think deeper into how he must feel...It would still hurt to have what you put so much of yourself in, riduculed. You are right though, if you can think ahead to the day, probably not too far into the future, when Jamie has grown into a little boy....all your effort to record everything you could from his babyhood will have to take on such different meaning to your DH, as these memories will be long gone if not for your scrapbooking. You are in my thoughts Kathie. xxx
Maybe you need to remind Phil that you are feeling tired too.
I often think that husbands forget how tired we wives/ mothers get.
I have been where you are. My husband Jason often thinks I have the "easy parenting role" just because I work from home.
Thinking of you and sending a big friendly hug of support xxxooo
From Susan (smiles1965) at Scrapboxx
Hi Kathie,
I have been away and just now catching up on some of the blogs i visit each week.Men are sometimes just thoughtless when they make comments,he would be very proud of what you have done,so hang in there i'm sure that he didn't really mean it and that he probably wanted to stick his foot in his mouth afterwards.Sometimes when we are tired we do say things that we would not normally say.They always think that our hobbies are pointless but at least they will be treasured by your little boy oneday he will love what you have done even if his father dosen't.You keep doing what makes you happy as you are the only one that can really make yourself happy and keep your chin up.thinking of you and warm hugs.
take care Kerry xoxo
men ;)
Huge Hugs, see you soon.
NIc xxx
PS your an awesome wife, mother, friend, scrapper, renovator, painter, organiser, sander, accesoriser, auntie, cleaner, gopher, teacher, sister, daughter etc etc. Your great at finding that balance in your life, despite Phil not being able to see it at times. You constantly bend over backward to fit scrapping into a time and space in your life where it wont interfere with anything else - especially time with your husband and baby. Im sure he really does appreciate everything youve done,(even if he doesnt tell you!) and that your scrapping is the only thing he can find to lash out at in his exhaustion and frustration - you do everything so well, he has nothing else to complain about!!!!
I haven't read other peoples comments but it kinda makes me annoyed that he said that to u!
It's hard for me to read as I feel Andrew in some of the words u write! I have more then been in your shoes.
Love me
Oh darl...big hugs. I know this has been something you have struggled with for so long now. But you are so right, now is not the time that he will understand, but in years to come, he will look back and view scrapping so differently. It's hard to deal with the lack of appreciation and understanding NOW though, but you are strong and wise. Just keep on keeping on my friend. You are such a fantastic person...and everything that Nic said (which I can't be bothered listing lol).
You have an awesome talent for scrapping and you deserve to spend time doing it. I guess because Phils hobbies include hard work, such as renovating, it's difficult for him to understand your enjoyment from scrapping. Well..bad luck for him!!!!!
Love you,
Mel xxx
Kathie, your attitude and calm about this is so admirable.
I think it's all been sid so just sending you hugs and hoping it has settled for you by now.....
Nicole xx
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