Been totally busy. Expecting to be busier in the next few weeks too. Life it is a' changing.
From my diary last Thursday:
"My heart broke into a million pieces this afternoon. It was the first time that you stayed at childcare without me. The plan was for me to leave for an hour and see how you would go. I was prepared for you to cry. I was dreading it, because I knew you would cry. But, in all honesty, I thought you’d cry for ten minutes and then recover and find something to distract yourself. What I didn’t plan on was you crying for the entire hour I was gone.
After the first ten minutes of listening to you howl (and I do mean howl), the director of the childcare center suggested I go for a walk for the remaining 45 minutes. Which I did, because the other option was to join you and howl too.
But I thought about you for each of those long 45 minutes. I wondered how you were going. I hoped that you weren’t terribly, terribly unhappy. I hoped that you weren’t wondering where I was and why I wasn’t coming to you when you were crying. I hoped that you would have stopped crying by the time I got back.
You hadn’t though. I could hear you as soon as I walked back into the building. When I entered the room you were sitting in the lap of the childcare worker, clutching two pieces of jumbo chalk tightly in your fists, heaving gigantic sobs, still totally miserable, with red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.
And I really had to control myself not to grab you into my arms and run from the room and never going back."
Aaargh! I hate it. I know that I'll probably look back and laugh at what a sook I was. But, for now, this is haaaard! Next week we have to do it again on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I am going to be a mess.
25 comments:
Huge Hugs for you sweetie. I know from being on the carer side of it that it will get easier - for both of you, as you adjust to your new routine...but I also know from the Mummy side how terribly hard, and heart wrenching it is to have to walk away from your crying little one. Caleb went throught his when he started kindy, and it was just aweful.
I know its tearing you up, and Im sending good happy vibes your way.
Let me know if there is anything I can do, or if you need someone to chat to (or a shoulder to sob on)
Nic xxx
Oh hun, my heart breaks for you and little Jamie too. I too, know from the carers side that he will get used to it, he will probably come to really love daycare with his new friends and lots of exciting things to do, and so will you, but it doesn't really make it any easier does it! Its one of those really hard transitions that so many mums have to go through! It sounds like they have a good centre though, with caring staff for both of you. Lots of cyber hugs for you as you go through this again next week. With a bit of luck, he won't be howling for the whole hour and you'll feel much better about it :)
It's easy to say that the first time is the hardest but that doesn't ease the pain you feel. I will keep you both in my prayers.
Oh Kathie...i really feel for you and Jamie.
Like Nat siad Jamie will come to love it. And you too as hard as it is at the moment will be okay:)
But in the meantime im thinking of you.
I removed my comment before because it didnt make sense LOL
I feel for you Kathie, I really do.
I remember back to 2001 when I first started to leave my Amanda at childcare.
I know it is heartbreaking but I promise in time it DOES get easier.
Amanda did make friends at childcare, she did have fun, she did get used to being there and most importantly of all she was looked after very well by the staff.
Sending you and Jamie a big hug and lots of positive vibes. If I had a magic wand that I could use to make this easier for you both I would.
Wishing you lots of luck Kathie. Love from Susan (smiles1965) from Scrapboxx
Awww sweetie, I don't know what to say. How heartbreaking for the both of you. Big hugs, and I truly hope that next week becomes easier for you.
Oh Kathie, I'm so sorry that it was a miserable time! Thankfully it does get better. Making it through this time is definitely going to pull on your heartstrings though. A little story - I had a 10 month old (right at that age when they are aware of 'strangers') start in the nursery with me, her Mum had gone back to work full time at the last minute and didn't do the 'easing' in period. This little girl did cry for the about the first 2.5 weeks and we all started thinking that maybe she was never going to settle in, but she eventually did. It was the longest 2.5 weeks of her Mum's life I'm sure and she nearly quit her job, but children are so adaptive and they all do finally settle. Sending you big hugs and hoping that next week goes a little smoother for you!
Kathie no wonder your heart broke.
There are no words that can make it better.
Good luck next week I will be thinking of you, I had tears in my eyes reading this and remembering just how terrible this process is.
Oh Kathie,
I really feel for you as i know what pain you are in.Mikayla started daycare only three weeks ago.She was fine the first two times but the third time she just screamed.I had to get out quick as it brought me to tears.Maybe it is because it has been me and her home for so long ,but when dh picks her up he says she is always dancing and happy,i still do not like taking her to daycare even if it is just for three hours a week.Pathetic i know,but also she then is mixing with other children which is good for her.Big hugs to you he will be fine.Keep your chin up.They are so precious and we do become wrapped up in there little world.take care
Kerry xoxoxox
I'm so sorry that you and Jamie both had a rotten time of it and I wish I could take your hurts away. So much adjusting for both of you. Take it little by little and trust that the staff will do their best for J. I hope this week's a bit easier.
Little A still fusses at drop off time after more than a year of doing it. It still hurts us both but at some point I have to go. Then he's always busy and happy when we pick him up.
Take care of yourself
Cherill W XOX
Oh, Kahty it isn't easy is it. As soon as I became a mum I realized what guilt was. I have just been checking out preschools for my son next year and have almost come to the decision not to send him. Too emotional to leave him!
Oohh Kathie.... I cried just reading your post... I could just imagine how heart wrenching it must have been on your return... lets hope this week is better...big ginormous rainbow hugs coming your way....
Mardi x
I'm crying too. I've been there and it sucks! It's the most gut-wrenching thing you can do. But it gets better. And then it's hard because they're excited to be going and leaving you behind!
Lots of hugs for you and Jamie during this hard transition.
Jess
Poor you kathie. It's awful when you need to leave them when they are little. I am thinking of you. Hope it is easier this week. xx
Kathie I haven't gone through this particular process, but I can imagine that leaving your precious child at Jamie's age would be difficult. I'm sure that with time it will become easier, but right now I understand why it made you so upset.
Megan xx
Oh Kathie!!!!!!!
It's soooo heart wrenching isn't it? I've bawled my eyes out when I've left my kids too.
What my centre suggested that worked well was to take them in and stay with them for an hour for a few times (they didn't charge me for this). When they became used to the people etc. I then left them by themselves for an hour for a few times. It worked out to be a really great way to ease them into childcare without either of us being traumatised. :)
Oh Dear, you really do feel your heart is going to break at the time don't you?...Lets hope it gets easier. Look forward to when he loves going there and waves you good-bye and then when you go to pick him up he dosen't want to come home with you!! (Yes, this will happen!!!)
Thinking of you
Wens
sending hugs and strength to both of you, it is such a hard process to go through. i remember it all too well!!! thinking of you guys
jode
Kathie, I really feel for you. I had to return to work when my bub was only four months old and it broke my heart. It's the hardest thing I ever had to do. I felt miserable each time I had to walk away. But on the positive side it does get easier with time.
Poor thing I feel for you! My boys never really cried that much, so I was lucky!
Poor girl! I hope he settles soon!
Love Lisa xoxxo
nothing more i can do but reach out through cyberspace kathie and give you a great big hug and a wad of tissues.
it will get easier - for you both - but for now, my heart just aches for yours and jamie's distress
xxoo
Oh Kathie- I feel so sad for you (and Jamie) :( I really hope things are much happier during your next visit!
I have to agree - it does get easier for all involved...of course, you will still worry and miss him like crazy, but he will settle and be used to the routine. Big hugs :)
awww kathie, i am so sad for you and jamie. sounds like all these wise mums know it will get easier with time though, like everything i suppose.
sending big hugs to you both.
kate
xo
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