Been totally busy. Expecting to be busier in the next few weeks too. Life it is a' changing.
From my diary last Thursday:
"My heart broke into a million pieces this afternoon. It was the first time that you stayed at childcare without me. The plan was for me to leave for an hour and see how you would go. I was prepared for you to cry. I was dreading it, because I knew you would cry. But, in all honesty, I thought you’d cry for ten minutes and then recover and find something to distract yourself. What I didn’t plan on was you crying for the entire hour I was gone.
After the first ten minutes of listening to you howl (and I do mean howl), the director of the childcare center suggested I go for a walk for the remaining 45 minutes. Which I did, because the other option was to join you and howl too.
But I thought about you for each of those long 45 minutes. I wondered how you were going. I hoped that you weren’t terribly, terribly unhappy. I hoped that you weren’t wondering where I was and why I wasn’t coming to you when you were crying. I hoped that you would have stopped crying by the time I got back.
You hadn’t though. I could hear you as soon as I walked back into the building. When I entered the room you were sitting in the lap of the childcare worker, clutching two pieces of jumbo chalk tightly in your fists, heaving gigantic sobs, still totally miserable, with red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.
And I really had to control myself not to grab you into my arms and run from the room and never going back."
Aaargh! I hate it. I know that I'll probably look back and laugh at what a sook I was. But, for now, this is haaaard! Next week we have to do it again on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I am going to be a mess.