Friday, December 28, 2007

At 25 months

I am blessed to have the most gorgeous blonde, tousle-haired little tornado who never fails to make me smile. Here's my message to him at 25 months. Written yesterday. I know that I said I wasn't going to share these anymore, but this month I really don't want to leave bad news up on my blog. So, you have to forgive any soppy sentimentality - any more than usual that is!

My baby Rabbit,

At 25 months your vocabulary is increasing and you gabble away all day long. You copy words as we say them, tucking them into your brain for later use. You can say lots of words. But my favourite word is by far “mummy”. For months now, whenever we’ve pointed at me and asked who I was you’ve said “daddy”. We would laugh and tell you that you were being silly. Finally, the other day after telling you that you were being silly and prompting you a second time you tucked you head under, coyly, and said “mummy”. "Mummy". The most beautiful "Mummy". And I covered you in hugs and kisses and told you how brilliant you were. And then I asked you again, to be sure, and you said “mummy” again.

Other words that you can say at the moment:
“wa-wa” = water
“waa” said rather loudly and delightedly = wet!
“deee” = said rather loudly and delightedly = tea
“aw-bwee” = strawberry
“naaah” = no, said with alarmingly increasing frequency and an emphatic shake of the head
“booh” = book
“cat” = cat and “wiaow” = meow
“doc-dor” = doctor
“doc-lor” = chocolate (doctor and chocolate are actually very hard to distinguish)
“detty” = dirty
“clean” = clean
“bubble” = bubble
“dak” = Jak

You have developed a total obsession with the Wiggles over the last two weeks. You would happily sit in front of the TV watching the same Wiggles DVD all day long. There are tears when we turn it off. There are plaintive requests for “maw?” When you wake up in the morning you ask “Wiii?” with a flapping of your foot (the Wiggles is all about dancing, after all). When you wake up from your nap you ask “Wiii?” with the same flapping of your foot. When we arrive home from an outing you ask “Wiii?” with the ever present flapping of your foot. And we know you want the Wiggles DVD. The same one. Not the other one. You know many of the actions that accompany the songs now. You will sit/stand and watch the entire DVD from beginning to end. It must be at least an hour long. I'm a bit strict with TV viewing though. Once a day is more than enough. Sorry!

Your obsession with the Wiggles extends to the new, cheap nappies I bought. They have pictures of the Wiggles on them. I am not permitted to put anything else on you. You become super distressed if I try to sneak a nice absorbent Winnie the pooh nappy on you. “Wiii!” you cry. One evening you followed me around the house, protesting at my application of a Winnie the pooh happy. Every time I turned around, you were behind me with your Wiggles nappy in hand and you’d cry “Wii!” and put it up to your bottom. I could only laugh. You were so funny. However, I did end up capitulating and putting a Wiggles nappy on you. Sigh. The allure of merchandising starts so early.

You love to sit with me and do all the hand movements to the songs I sing: “the wheels on the bus”, “dingle dangle scare-crow”, “miss polly had a dolly”, “twinkle twinkle”. You make many, many animal sounds. We saw an elephant in the outdoor furniture shop just before Christmas and you, completely of your own accord, waved your arm around in the air like a trunk and emitted a very elephant-sounding “eee” sound. It stopped me in my tracks. That’s one of the things about childcare. You pick up all these new things and surprise me with them.

You colour match proficiently now. You said “circle” the other day when you held out a circle block. You can do puzzles that have pieces that interconnect. You count on your fingers: “err, doo, dee, err…” Last night I asked you if you wanted another grape. You held up all your fingers “dee!” Three! Or more! The same when Daddy told you just one more sip of the Fanta. "Dee!" you exclaimed and held up all ten fingers.

You loved Christmas. You opened all of our presents for us this year. We started preparation for Christmas festivities a week before Christmas. We put the tree up. We told you about Father Christmas and presents. You nodded, seriously, and blew. Yes, you still associate presents and candles, from your birthday a month ago. We explained that Christmas present came sans candles. I think you still lived in hope that there would be candles to blow out. You came to know the little baby in the straw bed who appeared in all your books all of a sudden. You'd put your finger to your nose. "Shhh!" I'd agree "baby's sleeping!" and you'd nod.

You greeted a friend at the door with great excitement on Boxing Day. Instead of your bashful self, you greeted her with a big smile and much enthusiasm. You held out your arms. I was stunned. And then I realized... You were reaching for the big colourful present she had in her hands. She hadn’t even made it in the front door before you had wrestled the present out of her grip and proceeded to rip off the Christmas paper. We all had to step around you to greet our guests, as you exclaimed with great glee at Mummy’s present.

This year you actually tolerated Father Christmas. You were rather taken by his white gloves and his red jacket. You even sat next to him and had your photo taken. When he asked you about Jak, he was your friend. And then he did one better - he gave you a chocolate. Well!

Speaking of chocolates, I fear we have started a habit that will be hard to cure. Every night just before bed we open a window on the advent calendar. And there’s a chocolate behind it. You eat your chocolate and drink your milk and then it’s time for bed. You love it. The third night, you knew what was coming and you didn’t want a bath. I told you that you had to have a bath and then afterwards you could have a chocolate. That was bribery, huh? You sat in the bath for all of, ooh, 30 seconds. Then you started piling your water toys into your bucket saying “doc-dor! doc-dor!”. I was puzzled. “Doctor?” I asked. And then I realized…. “choc-lor”. You were busy packing up your toys, chanting “chocolate, chocolate!”

However, last night there were no chocolates in the advent calendar. They finished on the 24 December. You don’t know that though. You pleaded with me “choc-lor” when I brought you your milk. I gave in and went and got you some Milky Way. No. No. No. You pushed it away impatiently. It had to come from the advent calendar. Mummy had to do some slight of hand that would have made a magician proud, in order that you were happy with your chocolate. I really must remember to put that calendar in the bin when you’re taking your nap tomorrow!

Rabbit, you are purely and simply a delight. You make me smile constantly. You amaze me from sun up to sundown, with the things that you’re learning and the clever things you do. I just love you to bits.

Mummy xxx


Well, I am no longer pregnant. I have spent all day on the couch with my feet up while Phil has done the lion's share of looking after Jamie. The only good thing about the day ;). Man, what you have to do around here, just to get a bit of help!

Seriously, though, I'm fine. I'm feeling very philosophical about things at the moment. And ready to move on.

Only thing is, I keep touching my belly. You know, how you do when you're pregnant. And then I realise it doesn't feel pregnant anymore and my heart stops just for a second. Sigh. I'll lose the habit in a while, I guess.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the people who have emailed me during the last 24 hours. Honestly, your messages, kindness and caring have bouyed me, strengthened me, informed me and generally made the whole experience a bit more bearable. Only a little bit though, ugh. Wry smile.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Oh dear

Well, for my sins of spilling the beans early, I guess I now suffer the consequence of having to share the bad news too:

I may be, to quote a medical practitioner this morning, "in the throes of a miscarriage".

I have been devastated all morning. I am now coming to terms with it.

The scientist in me knows that this is Nature's way of dealing with things that aren't quite right, and respects that. The mother in me grieves for the tiny foetus I saw on the ultrasound this morning.

It measured only 5weeks6days. I am, by dates, 8.5 weeks pregnant. The only bright spot in my morning was being told that my pregnancy hormone levels are "reasonable". I have to have another blood test on Monday. But there's very good evidence that something is terribly awry.

But we'll be OK. I came home from hospital this morning and played with Jamie and my heart sung that I have one beautiful little boy. He truly is precious.


Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Our Christmas

Our Christmas Day was relaxed, perfect weather, superb food and lots of giggles and toys.

I hope you had a beautiful day with your families too.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

Our household this morning:

He's fascinated with the Christmas tree. So far there have only been two casualties ;), so he's been really very gentle.

Happy Christmas. Have a happy and safe celebration.


Sunday, December 23, 2007

More Layouts to Share

More layouts to share.

These two are in the Aussie Reader Gallery of the Jan 08 Creating Keepsakes mag:

Journaling: "It's late April. Finally the rain has arrived. Jamie wakes early in the mornings now, startled by the noise of rain thundering on our iron roof. The walks that have become so much of our daily routine now must be squeezed in between showers. But that's all OK. The drought has broken! The entire country has been on water restrictions all Summer and dams and reservoirs are at an all time low. The coutryside really needs this soaking. Farmers the country over have been praying for this rain. And for me, it's the perfect excuse to pull out all my scarves and beanies and welcome in the Winter".

Was it You?

When I saw this photo, it reminded me of a dream I had a few years ago, before I had conceived Jamie. (Do you think I dream in black and white, lol? I could not, for trying, add any more colour to this. It had to be black and white. Even the photo is dark. Weird!)

The dream was one so vivid that it had stayed with me. It was one of those dreams where I woke up with the emotions still very much with me. A very powerful dream. And I've always wondered... So, when I saw this photo, I had to go scrabbling through my old journals to find what I'd written at the time and this is it:

"14 April 2002. I was miserable. Depressed. Couldn't sleep. And then, when I did fall asleep, I dreamt I had a baby. He came and spoke to me. He brought me such comfort. I woke, sobbing with relief. My baby, he existed! 5 years later, I often wonder if that was you. If it was your beautiful soul speaking to me when I most needed it."

This one is in Scrapbook Creations Issue 49.

Child's Play

If you're interested in creating something that looks like this, there's a materials list and a how-to here.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you take heaps too many photos; each much too much Christmas pudding; drink too much egg nog (or whatever else - think of me, I shall be on the orange juice, sigh) and generally have a wonderful day with your families.

Talk soon

Monday, December 17, 2007

Mail sorting

Grrr.... we're back to dial up rates and we're barely half way through the month. I thought that every time I looked at DH lately he had his nose in his laptop! Dial up is an absolute pain because pics take forever to download and, in some cases, just time out completely.

So, happy Christmas everyone. I probably won't be spending much time on the PC until the new year.

Oh, and please, please, please, for anyone moving, don't trust the Aussie Post mail redirection service for precious items. I now have a total of three layouts that have gone missing due to my trusting that they'd be redirected to my new address! Grrrr.

And to those girls that I emailed a few days ago - apparently your layouts have reached the publisher this time and have been appropriately forwarded on to you. (I received about 14 layouts recently, only 6 of which were mine, the others were for a variety of other people. I returned them to the publisher, only to have them lob back on my doorstep about two weeks later! The publisher had sent them back to me! LOL. This time things seem to have gotten sorted.)

See you all in the new year!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Layouts to share

I have a few layouts out at the moment:

Love These Little Hands is in Scrapbook Trends (USA) October 2007 issue.

Unfortunately it plus the two complimentary issues of the magazine and the goodie pack they send have gone missing. Australia Post don't seem to have realised that I had a re-direct on all my mail. Yes, Aussie Post, *all* my post - even that the courier is supposed to deliver! Sniff! One of the downsides of moving.

There's a "how-to" for this one here.

Always Remembered.
I was blessed to have my Grandmother for forty one years. Forty one years of memories and moments that only exist between a grandchild and grandparent. She died last week and I will miss her so much – her smile, her laugh, her little sayings. Thank you for the happy memories Grandma.

This is in Scrapbooking Memories Issue 9 No 6. An old layout but one that I'm still fond of. I did it a few days after my Grandmother passed away. The file folder contains the eulogy I read at her funeral. Very special.

There's a "how to" for this one here.

'bout my mother as a trendy young thing!

Now, this layout is as old as the hills. Again, as I keep saying, you just really should submit everything even if you don't "think" it will be accepted. You never can tell.

That's all for today. Just taking a break from washing floors. Now, on to the cooking!

Have a great week

Saturday, December 15, 2007

DT work

The next kit is up at Designing Memories. I must say that I absolutely adore the kits that Katja puts together. Each month I think "it can't get any better than this". And each month it does!

Journaling: At the airport yet again. The smiles hide the all-too familiar sadness. Missing you already!

At Two
Journaling taken from my blog entry here

Journaling: Once a year if we're lucky or every couple of years if we're not, we get together like this. And I'm always a little bit sad that we can't do this every weekend - like I imagined it in our childhood.

Go check out the other stuff the girls have done. It's full of inspiration. And I'm loving this month's mini kit with all the little puzzle pieces!

That's all for today. I think I have some recently pubbed layouts that are overdue for sharing. Next time!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

On having his own mind

These last few days Jamie has become very captivated with the Wiggles. Up until this week he wasn't really all that interested. He much preferred Bob the Builder and Thomas the Tank Engine. But this week he has been entranced.

He has a Wiggles DVD and asks to watch it every day. Even though he can’t say Wiggles yet. He says “Wi” and points a toe forward and I know that he means the Wiggles with dancing. He stands in front of the television copying all that they do. Tonight he has been busy showing us his muscles "getting strong! getting strong! getting strong! getting strong!"

At bedtime we had a huge scene because I got some cheapy Wiggles nappies last weekend – before his love affair started. But they’re cheap and I don’t put him in them at night. I probably could, I just don't. At night he sleeps in a Huggies Winnie the Pooh nappy. Well! Winnie just doesn't cut it anymore. Tonight he was inconsolable. Howls of unhappiness. He wanted a Wiggles nappy on. He grabbed a nappy and followed me around the kitchen crying and putting the nappy up to his bottom. Insistently.

Only a chocolate could distract him. Thank goodness for Advent Calendars, lol.

Thanks for your congratulations. It means a lot. I am seven weeks along, so it's early days yet.

I have an appointment back with the GP on Monday for the boob thing. I am still worried. It's painful. And the pain stabs through to my shoulder blade and up to my shoulder. It's not normal. And I don't think it's something that I want to just let slide. I want it cleared up. Before the baby comes and my milk comes in. Yeeow.

ETA: Sending out hugs to a beautiful friend who needs them tonight. Good luck sweetie. Holding my breath for you. And to anyone else who's anxiously awaiting news of any sort: huge hugs to you too.


Monday, December 10, 2007


Today I had a visit to the specialist.

I had a lump in my breast. A very painful lump.

For the month since I made the appointment, I have had a little knot of worry in the back of my mind. A little knot of worry that grew and grew and grew. Until last night I was kept awake by the anxiety. The what ifs.

Talking with friends, I know that I'm not alone in this anxiety. Even if I felt unnecessarily melodramatic, in the middle of last night.

It turns out that I have three cysts. Benign. Nothing to worry about. The pain should subside. Just "some mischief" that's occurred since I weaned Jamie from breastfeeding. And possibly due to some hormonal changes I'm experiencing at the moment.

And so I found myself exhaling, unaware even that I'd been holding my breath.

You see, what kept me awake last night was not the worry about myself. No. In some part the worry was about Jamie. About being around for him; with him. In a large part though, the worry was for something else entirely. For someone else entirely.

I shouldn't even be telling you this, strictly speaking. But in my relief that all is well, I am throwing caution to the wind...


We are absolutely over the moon.

And as for the last post... well it turns out that they have had staffing changes at the centre (why did no-one tell me?) and that's likely the reason for Jamie's anxiety. He took Teddy with him on Friday and they tell me he had a better day. He still clung to me like a limpet and howled pitifully when we peeled his fingers from my top. But apparently he recovered well.

Even this afternoon, as he drove off with Grandma and Grandad for the afternoon - a treat that does not usually equate with tears - he still howled to be leaving me. Albeit, he did make a good show of blowing kisses through the tears.

Ah, I love him dearly.


Thursday, December 06, 2007


They said to me tonight "he was sad today". And it tore my heart in two.

He cried like he hasn't for a long time when I left him there first thing. I worried about him periodically during the day; wondering how he was; missing him; wishing that I didn't have to work and that we could spend every day together; longing wistfully for my SAHM days.

He was sad all day. All. Day. Long.

My little boy, sad, because his mama had left him at childcare.

Sometimes I feel so absolutely goddam shit about working.

Feeding the feather

OK, so I'm getting him a snack. Cheese and Biscuits. There's a feather on the floor in the kitchen. I swear, I do not know how it got inside. Probably on Jak's coat at some stage. Anyway, he's fascinated by this tiny little fluffy feather. He's down on his hands and knees examining it, watching it float from one place to the next. Totally absorbed.

"Yes", I say. "It's a feather. Birds have feathers. You know, like you have hair."
He touches his hair. Yes, he's understood.

"Anyway", I say "Would you like a piece of cheese?" Yes, he nods, and reaches out an eager fist.

I give him a piece of cheese and turn away, busy with my chores. Only to turn back a moment later and see him, again on hands and knees, cheek to the tiles, "feeding" his cheese to the feather: "num num num".