I am struggling for time at the moment.
Jamie no longer naps during the day and, being an only child, he is continually at me for my attention. I can hardly hear myself think over the constant 3yo voice that inhabits this house. I can't make telephone calls, because he just talks over the top of me. I lose concentration, because he interrupts everything I do.
And I'm just not getting anything done!
I used to use nap time for doing housework and getting tea started, but that's just not possible any more. I'm finding more and more that I'm having to leave everything until after he's gone to bed at night.
So, I'm after advice. Are there any other mothers of single children out there? What do you do to get a few minutes of time to do stuff? I don't have family or friends nearby that are able to babysit, so that's out of the question. My husband doesn't "do babysitting" so that's out of the question.
I know that it's probably just a phase, and that gradually he'll be able to do more and more without me. But, it breaks my heart when I tell him I can't play with him because I have to do the dishes or something and he says "but I got nobody else to play with Mummy!" or (the best one that I find incredibly difficult to resist) "but you my best fwend Mummy!"
I'm going a bit crazy at the moment. Help!!!
15 comments:
OK, my eldest son stopped napping at the age of 3 as well and I do have a younger one as well, but this is something I did when my son was younger and I needed more than just nap time to get things done. I did a child swap with a friend. I had a friend in the US and we each, one eay a week, would watch the other one's child for the morning, giving each other three hours to do WHATEVER we needed to do. For me this was bookwork for my husbands company, for her it was study, but you could do it for housework as well :-) Just an idea which isn't childcare (although this is an option as well and then you just have to cough up the $$$). Just a suggestion as you were asking.
Hi Kathie
When my eldest started school, my (then) youngest was a constant companian through out my day. I would get her to help me do my chores and it would make the time go by so quickly. She would love to chat to me while I hung out washing, or she would do 'cooking' while I started dinner. She would get her own water spray bottle and cloth when I cleaned the bathroom and her own dusting cloth when I dusted the house. Both my big girls still love to help me do the house work.
Hi Kathie,
This is what I did when my 3 1/2 year old twins stopped day sleeps. I told them it was quite time, I would put them in their bedrooms with the curtains and door open and tell them they needed to read or play quietly (in seperate rooms). I would put the electronic timer on to start with about 15 minutes and when it went off they could come out (as they got used to it I increased it over time to an hour!!) sometimes when they could come out they were so engrossed in doing what they were doing they would stay in their rooms longer. They didn't mind this at all, I would tell them mummy was also having quiet time (talking on the phone, making dinner, etc !!!)It worked until they went to Kindy!
Wendy
Hi Kathie, I'm a Mum of an only child who is now 11. She has always been reasonably independant but in the early years (Jaimie's age and a bit younger) I started to say things like "Mum needs to do these dishes now, how about you pick a book and we will read it when I'm finished". I also used to get out things like playdoh or lego and tell her to make something for me and again, give her a promise of playing a bit afterwards. Sometimes she would be really happy so I'd do another quick job.
Stuff like that gave her something to do herself and also a promise of some Mum time afterwards.
I also do what Bec did and give her little jobs to do as well. Painting the bricks or pavers with water was a great one while I hung out washing. She used to love wiping down the table and other little things like that - a bit of water doesn't hurt anything and is also fun. A cheap spray bottle can be used for lots of things like that.
I think littlies (when they are onlies or not) need to learn that they can't have us all the time and if they are patient, that there is a "reward" of Mum time afterwards.
I hope that helps a bit. Feel free to email me if you like
thecollyers@ncable.com.au
Allie
Oh Kathie, it's so hard when you have no family to help you out and give you a break. *Hugs* There's some great advice here. My daughter wasn't one to entertain herself at that age and I only managed by getting her to 'help' me do tha vacuuming and prepare the veges etc. It did make it take a lot longer though, but sometimes she was happy just to watch me if I let her sit on the bench while I prepared veges. The other thing that sometimes worked was a special activity box full of colouring books craft activities and little toys that only came out when I had jobs I really needed to do. I hope you can find something that works for you.
First thing to get straightened out is that "husband" is not a BABYSITTER. He is his FATHER & father's don't babysit, they help take care of their children. You need time to yourself. He needs to get on board with that. The 1950's are long gone. I am the mother of a single child & don't work outside the house. My husband works full-time, but knows that in order to have a happy wife, I need some time to myself and he's always contributed to co-parenting willingly. (Or perhaps I just made it clear that those were the rules by which we were playing! LOL!)
Second... it's a matter of tuning out sometimes. Always wondered what my grandma meant when she said she had a "deaf-ear" to the kids running around. Now I know! Sometimes you just have to tune-out & not be so present. Most of the time, we were tied to eachother like glue, but every once-in-awhile I'd say, "Ok, now Mommy has things to do."
Give him things to do to "help." Kids love nothing more than to know they're helping with something. He may not be old enough to vacuum, but if he's busy dusting the tables or something simple like that, he'll be occupied while YOU vacuum!
Hope I didn't come off harsh with the babysitter thing, but it really bugs me when I hear fathers say that they have to "babysit." Babysitters get paid. He's not a babysitter... :-)
It does get easier, the older they get. Still wishing I could slow down the hands of time though. Soon he'll be in school all day & you'll be wishing for him to be at home keeping you over-occupied... :-)
Great words and advice Deana! And I totally agree with the play dough ideas, you have to have all this stuff ready to go so it will allow you then to get it out quickly and engage him in it, thus freeing your time for a bit.
An educational DVD is always an option, the local library has plenty of these usually. We use to have quiet time in the bedrooms as well, maybe put on some relaxation music and this will set the scene for quite time each day. I'm sure that's what they'd do at daycare on the days his there as there would still be other children his age that are sleeping, so he might be use to this already. Do you have a local toy library? You could borrow some toys that are only brought out for Jamie to play with during the times you need to get a bit of time to prepare the dinner. Something I also found my kids loved was to dance to music watching themselves in a mirror.
Whatever you do, don't feel bad that you're giving Jamie this alone time as it really is a great time for them to use their own imagination. Before Annaliese came along, Shayla loved nothing more than lining up all her dolls and teddies and placing little blankets or hankies over them and pretending they were all at day care having a sleep! She was sometimes the teacher and would pat them all to sleep!
Anyway, you get the idea and just remember that you're doing a wonderful job with your little man!
Hi Kathie,
Hate to burdt your bubble...but 2 isnt any easier!!LOL! At least I have one in school now,but I know exactly how you feel,I don't have family close by,and still feel a bit weird about leaving my kids with other people,silly I know, but I'm getting better! I find that one way is to try and get their attention,and explain how the day is going to go,(age appropriatly),and let Jamie,know that you will play with him after you've done this and this,whatever...Sometimes it works..they just like a timeframe instead of,"not now" or "in a minute"...Cheers! Brooke
and it's early in the morning,please excuse my typo's...lol!
I can't really offer much help, but I do know what you mean. Ben stopped afternoon naps at 2yo. I tend to do all my going out in the mornings shopping playgroup ect and come home have lunch then at 3o'clock he loves the bananas in pyjamers we watch that together then he will sit and watch the rest while I do things. When he wants me to play after a while I say I have to go to the toilet and I will do things. Kids always play up when your on the phone and the more important the call the more they play up. I think you have to find something that he enjoys doing at the table then you can do things around him while he's playing. It does get better.
Kathie ,I think that all this advice is great as you know we only have Mikayla at home too.She likes to help out so i let her do little jobs,She then gets a bit tired of the jobs so she goes off and plays for a while until i'm finished.It does get easier i just think that if you involve in some of your jobs he will be happy to spend time by himself.I also promise to sit and read when im finished what im doing.I hope that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.Take care Kerry
Hi Kathie - you have had some good advuce here! I am a mother of an only child (now nearly 14) and I can still vividly remember this stage. I can remember being incredibly tired (as an older mum too) and just wanting to have a bit of a break. The 'but I have no one else to play with' used to break my heart as well as the 'but why don't I have any brothers/ sisters' stage. However, we have all survived, and I'm not being much help to you just telling my side of the story!
However one thing I did find helpful was to keep him busy about the same time as he used to nap. I think you have to be a little bit firm and sit him down at an activity table or his play area and give him something pro-active to do just for short breaks at a time. I used to find starting him off on something ... like a drawing for Daddy when he got home, or stacking some books or something specific because otherwise I found that my son wouldn't try and do anything by himself. I think that childcare is great, and my son went 2 days a week, but the other 3 days would leave him flat and 'nothing to do'. Childcare is so over -stimulating with so much going on, playmates on call and lots of activities within reach. As well as organised activities - so it is no wonder that they think there is 'nothing to do'!!
Anyway - I found that if I just started him off on a specific task with the promise that I would help him finish it as soon as I had done the vegies/washing/drying whatever, he knew that I would get back to him soon. Gradually this sort of time increases.
Before you know it he will be off to kindy/prep/school and he will be kept really busy. Try and enjoy the time at home - it goes so fast!
Cheers Wendy
hi Kathie ...
lots of good advice here, I am lucky that Max still sleeps, but unlucky that he can NEVER be woken and sometimes sleeps toooo long. He is great at keeping himself busy as he plays with his cars alot. He does go to family day care (2 days) and Preschool (one day) and I feel that has helped him to keep himself busy. It also helps that he LOVES buzz and Woody SO he will watch them once a day too.
lol
Kathie you've got some great advice already. I just wanted to add that at 3 it's really important for him to see that you need your time too. You could try a few strategies like the girls have said get him to have some tasks to do and call it job time. Or tell him it's time for work and time for his quiet time- give him a few quiet choices, like puzzels, books.
As for the play/guilt feeling, that's just part of parenting. I know I feel that all the time. Set a time on the clock and tell him when the big hand get to that time you'll take time off and play a quick game of...
Good luck Kathie. It's never easy. It just changes the older they get.
Jeni O'Connor
Hiya. A is 4 1/2 and we still get that from him sometimes. L2 has always been self sufficient. I agree with what everyone else has said. We use timers - e.g. in 5 mins Mummy will stop what I'm doing and play with you again. We get him to help with the tasks. It works with A but never did with L2. For kitchen tasks like food preparation he still loves it if I put some water in the sink and sometimes some bubbles and he just
plays with his pirates/dinos or "helps" doing the washing of cutlery and plastic stuff. I even had a list on my fridge of emergency ideas to pull out - playdough, water in the sink, stickers, pipecleaners, making box. And as a last resort there's always a brief spot of TV. We got into the habit of playschool at 3.30 and then I know I had half a hour to whip up a dinner.
take care. ch xox
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