Not even a sticker chart could help this morning.
I have decided that this January we will achieve "childcare drop-off without tears". We have a sticker chart. Four stickers, and Jamie will get a "new present" (a cause for much celebration!). We have two stickers already.
But....
This morning we get to childcare and as I put the bananas in the fruit basket I feel frantic scrabbling at my elbow. I turn to see my child wearing a look of absolute despair. No tears. Yet. Just a look of unbearable dread.
He pulls me down into a huge hug. And his mouth turns into a pressed line and his chin dimples. Then it starts to wobble. Then two huge tears drop out of his eyes. Soundless. He just looks at me with such sadness that my heart breaks in two.
Again.
Like. every. single. time. for. the. last. two. and. a. half. years.
Although, we did make progress I suppose. If you can call soundless sobbing progress to the heart-wrenching bawling that usually goes on.
Somehow though I found it even harder, this soundless grief. Like, he was making such an effort and even still could not contain his sadness.
The memory of those two fat tears plopping over onto his cheeks is haunting me today.
I think I may go and pick him up early this afternoon.
12 comments:
oh Kathie I am so feeling for you... my biggest boy used to do the same thing to me... every single day! It breaks your heart hey? Hard to believe he will be 18 in a few short weeks... yet I can still remember EXACTLY how it made me feel. Big hugs chickie.
oh kathie it's so hard isn't it. Gosh I remember those feelings. I say go pick him up early.... for you xx
big hugs to both of you - it must be heart wrenching for you, Ive got tears in my eyes just reading what you have written.
Nic xxx
Just came across your blog. Must say that I feel for you too. I had the same issue when my daughter (now 7) was in kinder. Most kinder mornings I had to drag her out of bed as she just hated to go. I could very well of just left her there but knew that wan't going to solve the issue so I just had the press on - through tears of my own and also my daughters. I was dreading her starting school - thinking she would have the same problem - however there has not been one day of school where she has cried. Hopping your sons switch might flick one day soon just as my daughters did!!
My apologies for the novel...
oh kathie i feel for you and know how you feel........my oldest(now 16) used to cry every single day and he was going since 16mths didnt have a non cry day til september of him starting grade 1. it does stop eventually........ on the other hand, Connor my youngest at 4 has been going to daycare since 13 mths and hasnt had 1 cry day
It's awful isn't it? My Jack still cries too and the guilts I feel during the day consume my thoughts. I ring to check he's doing ok and normally once I've left he finds something to do. But reassurance from the carer is never enough! But we do it for their benefit, our benefit..I hope it gets easier as he prepares for kindy & school. Good luck with it.
Oh Kathie.. big hugs for you.. and little Jamie trying to be so strong and brave. xx
Ohh Kathie... I felt like crying just reading this post...how heart breaking...
Sending a big hug to both Jamie and you....x
Kathie i had tears reading this big hugs to you and he was very brave.They really do break your heart sometimes.Take care Kerry xx
Oh that is heartbreaking< I always hated drop off, its such an awful way to start teh day!!
Oh Kathie, I was hoping so much that he wouldn't be so upset like that anymore, that would break your heart, you poor thing.
Oh, I feel your pain. My eldest was like this but I have to report, he got better (eventually) and then this week he started school and he was "OK, see you tonight" so there can be benefits from having the pain now. My youngest still does the emotional guilt trip on me!!
Post a Comment