Not even a sticker chart could help this morning.
I have decided that this January we will achieve "childcare drop-off without tears". We have a sticker chart. Four stickers, and Jamie will get a "new present" (a cause for much celebration!). We have two stickers already.
This morning we get to childcare and as I put the bananas in the fruit basket I feel frantic scrabbling at my elbow. I turn to see my child wearing a look of absolute despair. No tears. Yet. Just a look of unbearable dread.
He pulls me down into a huge hug. And his mouth turns into a pressed line and his chin dimples. Then it starts to wobble. Then two huge tears drop out of his eyes. Soundless. He just looks at me with such sadness that my heart breaks in two.
Like. every. single. time. for. the. last. two. and. a. half. years.
Although, we did make progress I suppose. If you can call soundless sobbing progress to the heart-wrenching bawling that usually goes on.
Somehow though I found it even harder, this soundless grief. Like, he was making such an effort and even still could not contain his sadness.
The memory of those two fat tears plopping over onto his cheeks is haunting me today.
I think I may go and pick him up early this afternoon.