Today I had one of those moments. A moment where something clicked in my head and I almost gasped at the realisation.
Most of you would be aware at my grief at finding myself unable to have another baby. I have always wanted two children. Part of my desire for two children comes from having been one of two, myself. The other part comes from having spent vacations with my sister in Perth when my nephews were about Jamie's age. I adored seeing them outside, laughing and giggling together. And I had held that snapshot in my head: that snapshot of two small children playing together, their giggles and childish voices floating across the backyard. And I yearned all this time for it to be translated across into my own life.
I cannot tell you how much grief that snapshot in my head has given me. Nor can I express the regret I feel whenever I see that image in my head. The regret over every circumstance that has led me here to this situation where I can only have one child. To this situation where that snapshot in my heart is incapable of becoming a reality.
But today I had a sudden realisation. Because as I stood in the kitchen preparing snacks, I looked out the window across the yard at my son playing with his little friend in the back garden. And I heard them laughing and giggling with glee. And all of a sudden my mental image and my reality transposed over each other and aligned. And I realised that the Universe does deliver. Just sometimes not exactly as you have it in your preconceived ideas. Sometimes you just have to be open to other possibilities.